Burner Announces Plan to Hold All Remaining Morning Meetings at Once

Yes, it is true. Word has spread through the grapevine that Mr. Burner is sick of attending morning meetings. When asked about why he chose to make this decision, Burner responded, “morning meeting gets in the way of my sleep schedule, and since I sit at the very front, I unfortunately can’t get away with sleeping … Continue reading

Bookstore Shuts Down to Become Full Time Candy Factory

No need to fear, Hi-Chew is here! Starting from the beginning of the 2018-19 school year, Metcalf Center, home of Western Reserve Academy’s bookstore, will close and become the new headquarters and main manufacturing plant for Morinaga & Co., the creators of Hi-Chew. After years of renovations across campus, which includes the Athenaeum, the Wang … Continue reading

Flik Dining Staff Employs SPAR Students Full Time

If you tend to keep up-to-date with social media and don’t consider yourself above adding freshmen on Snapchat, you most certainly have seen videos of everyone’s favorite dining hall staff member spamming stories. Kevin is the lovable, always-cheerful singing and toaster-repairing man that has captured the hearts of underclassmen and upperclassmen alike. He has especially … Continue reading

School Rents out Empty Dorm Rooms on Airbnb

If you need somewhere to crash and don’t want to miss all of the action and activities on campus, look no further! Due to the excess amount of space in North Hall, the Deans’ Office voted unanimously to lease out extra rooms on the temporary lodging site Airbnb. This change began at the start of … Continue reading

Geothermal Unit Upgraded to Nuclear Power Plant

With the renovations of our beloved Seymour, a new so-called “geothermal unit” has been installed. However, with the brilliant detective work of the SAC (Secret Agent Committee), this claim has turned out to be an utter lie. The school’s commitment to cleaner heating and cooling systems has taken on another level of intensity. The SAC … Continue reading

The Eggplant: Long Live Long House

Long House Storage has been extinct for two years now. Only two remaining classes of WRA students remember the days of trudging in the heat to move chairs and fans and such into the cool, comforting basement of Long House under the watchful eye of a vigilant faculty member. As many know, last year the … Continue reading

The Eggplant: To Free or Not to Free?

In the weeks following Top Field Soccer Club’s victory over their long-time rival Cleveland Montessori, the student body has been awaiting the traditional day-off given after a team goes undefeated. While the team had only two games, both against Montessori High School, students have been eagerly awaiting that beautiful morning meeting announcement. One student even … Continue reading

The Eggplant: Community Learns to Love Learning Community

The Learning Community, affectionately known as the “Pods,” has been better received than initially expected! When first told about the treacherous hike up the labyrinthine hill by the Murdough Athletic Center, many a “Oh, gosh darn!” and “Why, God, why?” were heard echoing through the halls of our fair, recently deceased Seymour Hall. Now that … Continue reading

The Eggplant: The Price of Mail

A recent study by the afternoon sport Independent Research showed that checking your student mailbox at school is just like checking your phone for a text. The study revealed that 72% of students check their mailbox every day, and 57% of students check it more than once a day. One member of Independent Research stated, … Continue reading

The Eggplant: Boys Cross Country Overcome Great Hardship

Disclaimer: “The Eggplant” is a satirical, fictional column written by the staff of the Reserve Record. BREAKING – The Boys Cross Country team narrowly wins the Tiffin Invitational meet in the category of “Midwestern Co-Ed Suburban Based College Preparatory Based Boarding School with Enrollment of 350-450.”  Former coach and language faculty member James Fraser is said … Continue reading

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