Breaking News: Beloved Module System Here to Stay!

Breaking News: Beloved Module System Here to Stay!

Gotcha Spaghetti ’22

Students thrilled to hear the modules will continue into next year.

After extensive deliberation, the Academic Office has announced that the module system is here to stay (to the joy of all students). The student body has shown nothing short of appreciation for having a normal 75 day semester crammed into 40 days or less. The very small amount of stress that the module system has brought about has only made us all work harder and frankly has taught us to appreciate the little things in life, like when the economics homework is less than 30 questions or when, by whatever miracle that has happened in the universe, there is not a test and two projects due on the same day. After hearing so much praise from students about how much they have loved the module system, especially for helping them discover the often elusive concept known as time management, the Academic Office made the simple decision of keeping the same structure in place next year—and even “improving” on the now beloved system.

To increase the ever-lacking joy of the student body, the Academic Office has also decided to not only give us four modules, but this time increase the number of semesters to five. Every thirty days the modules will switch, with one special semester completely devoted to everyone’s favorite—the required Integrated Studies and Design classes. There will reportedly be four required courses for all students during this module, including brand new classes titled “Learn to Have a Life” and “Learn to Stop Complaining.”

To make up for the newly lost time, the Academic Office has also made an executive decision to take away free periods after hearing complaints of students “just wasting time to catch up on sleep” instead of actually doing their work for other classes. After hearing the proposed changes, students all over campus, announced that they “just can’t wait” for next year, with some seniors even considering turning down their college acceptance offers to stay another year—just for the unexpected extension of the wonderful module schedule.

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