COVID-19 Essential Chin Guards

COVID-19 Essential Chin Guards

Corny Cantaloupe
Eggplant Editor

Projections of the near future indicate that masks or facial coverings are to become a painful necessity in wake of the brutality; that is the Ohioan winter. Students at Western Reserve Academy will be seen taking a novel and revolutionary approach to wearing their facial coverings. Not only will they be worn over the mouth, some experts suggest that they will be worn over the nose, drawing parallels to their initial intent of effectively saving lives. This prediction was not based on some scientific enlightenment about to take place in the minds of certain students of the Western Reserve Academy about the modes of transmission of SARS-CoV-2, but due to the simple mercilessness of the climatic conditions of a little town called Hudson.

In the past, temperatures have dropped as low as -20º C in this city (kindly use Google to convert to fahrenheit) which makes facial covering a necessity to keep warm, not an avoidable discomfort like they have been since March 2020. The long-standing belief of many that they are immune to the fatal nature of coronavirus disease has led them to conveniently utilize facial coverings as chin guards, a creative approach in order to protect the essential body part: the mandible. Over the summer, some have been utilizing those facial coverings as chinguards, protecting their chins from sweating, cramping etc.

A commodity that used to be an element of suffocation, discomfort and a potential life-saver will be reborn as an armor against cruel winds and the saddening snow. Now we can truly say goodbye to ice-cold cheeks and red noses, all thanks to our good old N95s. An alternate impact that epidemiologists foresee is shocking drops in COVID-19 cases and deaths around historic Hudson, Ohio. Ohio’s weather really threw a curveball at sky-rocketing death rates and hospital bills as graphs begin to follow a downward trend. You know what they say: you won’t get the ’rona, but Hudson weather will always get you.

Never in historic Hudson, Ohioan weather has made such a profound economic and social impact. This life-changing impact is encouraging people to buy masks instead of ventilators, replacing quarantine days with snow days and keeping places open despite 2 feet of snow. This is one of the only days you will see people smile and sing with joy when you say, “Winter is coming.” A spectacle like never before!

So, this winter, please just keep warm* and everything else will fall in place.

*to keep warm (phr.): to wear your mask over your nose and mouth

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