Goodbye Underclassmen

Goodbye Underclassmen-Vivien Vanilla

It’s been a long time coming. Underclassmen at Western Reserve Academy have been the metaphorical “thorn in our side” since August when the class of 2020 took to the lawns wide sweep as seniors. It’s time for them to go. From freshman like Sammy Grossman ‘23 to juniors like Mikey “Large Michael” Mylott ‘21, none of them seem to get it. WE are the most important class. We, the seniors, sport some of WRA’s greatest talent ever. Here are five WRA seniors, esteemed members of our community, ones that truly prove we are the greatest class ever. First, Jihun “James” Doh. He is simply a beautiful human being, an absolute treasure to this school, this nation, and this world. Off to the prestigious University of Pennsylvania next year, Jimmer looks to change the world. Next, Jacob Grossman, a legend and one of a kind. J-Gro will be playing Division 1 football at the University of Texas, applying his WRA experience one longhorn at a time. Third, Max Slotnik. A standup guy, Maxi will be taking his talents to Rice University of Houston, Texas, where he will be playing Division 1 basketball. Fourth, Matt Filippelli. Not only has Fish been a crucial part of WRA baseball and the community, but he will also again serve an important role after high school as he is committed to John Carroll University to further his baseball career. We should all look forward to getting free tickets to his MLB games. Finally, Colin North. That’s enough said; he is the salt of the earth. C North has brought immeasurable greatness to WRA since his arrival to campus. C North will be missed and his menacing, unmatched presence will be a great loss of influence on the underclasspersons. With such pulchritudinous seniors, such unparalleled greatness, the path forward is clear. We must kick everyone else out. Except for the class of 2020, that is. Seniors, you’re good. You can stay.

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