Film Guys’s Furtive Goals

The Film Guys were revealed this week to have not been making videos during their time on campus as they had claimed, but instead simply filming students for their own purposes. When asked what exactly they were doing with the footage, Rob and Alesi just smirked and drove away in their golf cart.

The news was initially revealed by Taylor Harper ’22, who reportedly found the pair in their Ellsworth basement office discussing how best to keep their secret. “Yeah, they were being full-on nuts,” he posted in a Snapchat statement. “I think I caught the word ‘ritual’ in there somewhere, too.”

Mrs. Forrer, who works in Communications, expressed surprise and disappointment at the news. “We were so thrilled about last year’s video that it was a no-brainer to ask them back for a second time. I guess I should have known it was a ruse when they dropped their asking price from $470 million to nothing.” She continued, “‘Your Second Home’ led to a 30 percent increase in applications, but after this news comes out I think it may lead to some kids withdrawing from the school.” Carter Frato-Sweeney ’22 is one of them, having unenrolled the second the news hit Instagram. After learning that his entire A+ period being filmed screaming in the hallway was a waste, he said there was “no point” in attending classes anymore. Noah Frato-Sweeney ’20 feels differently: “Honestly, as long as I’m on camera I don’t care what the footage is used for. Did I mention I started The Wrap? It’s WRA’s premier late night talk show!”

It appears the Film Guys have a track record of one-and-done videos, with King’s Academy in Jordan being a notable exception. (Ahmed of the Film Guys is brothers with Omer the Admissions Guy, who stars in all 783 of King’s Academy’s videos.) WRA is apparently slow on the uptake, because every other school learned their secret.

Rob, Alesi, and Ahmed were originally arrested by Mr. Goad and held in the Security Office like a couple of backpacks left in the dining hall before being released. “I don’t care if I don’t have the ‘authority to detain people,’” Mr. Goad was heard shouting in an exchange with Mrs. Skinner accidentally filmed when a student’s phone that had been confiscated in Morning Meeting started recording, “I want justice!”

The Hudson Police Department has confiscated the footage and is currently reviewing the case. Beyond saying “Suzanne lays down some sick bars,” they have yet to comment on the matter. They did invite the Film Guys to a meeting to discuss what happened, but the meeting was cancelled after the Film Guys never showed up.

-Arther A. Aubergine ’20

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