Flik Dining Staff Employs SPAR Students Full Time

If you tend to keep up-to-date with social media and don’t consider yourself above adding freshmen on Snapchat, you most certainly have seen videos of everyone’s favorite dining hall staff member spamming stories. Kevin is the lovable, always-cheerful singing and toaster-repairing man that has captured the hearts of underclassmen and upperclassmen alike. He has especially bonded with the class of ‘21 during their dining hall SPAR, that grueling WRA rite of passage that gets you really familiar with the amount of gum stuck under the tables of Ellsworth. However, Kevin has put his own spin on this typically boring and slightly gross job.

It all began when students began to complain, yet again, that they didn’t like the dining hall food. “I was fed up,” says Kevin. “I decided that if they can complain, then they can cook.” This sparked a cultural revolution in the realm of the dining hall SPAR. Under his instruction, the Flik staff put down their utensils and let the freshmen take the reigns. There were some rough beginnings, as Josh Pethel ‘21 reflects, “We had a small accident involving a flambé attempt. Needless to say, it was ugly.” Kevin lets out a deep sigh when remembering the day of the flambé. “Josh burned my hair off. That’s why I have to wear this hat! I was beginning to think they were incompetent in the kitchen, but they managed to turn it around.”

Every WRA student can remember the day clearly when the best burgers anyone had ever tasted landed at the Chef’s Whim station. One sophomore remarks, “It was so juicy and tender, so fresh that it could have been straight from the cow. I felt invigorated, I regained my lust for life.” However, few know that these burgers were made by the hands of freshmen. Gayathri Sanagram ‘21 frequently reminisces about the creation of these sandwiches. “You know, it was really a happy accident. Olivia and I just kept adding random spices until Kevin began to yell at us, but it worked out in the end! If you ask me, they should be paying us.”

When it was discovered that freshmen were cooking instead of performing manual labor, upperclassmen complaints could be heard everywhere. “I’m pretty sure I contracted this incurable rash from scraping gum. These frosh are getting off way too easily,” remembers a junior. “I definitely spilled milk all over my blazer at least twice. I never dry cleaned it either, so the wet dog smell when it rains mingles nicely with the rotted dairy aroma it has taken on. I say that these freshmen have to try to refill the milk dispenser too!”

With backlash from students and worry from the administration over lawsuits, the freshmen cooking SPAR has been put on hold. But Kevin still has hope. “This class is the future! They deserve to be able to feed the masses.”

– Chloe Zucchini ’20

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