Burner Announces Plan to Hold All Remaining Morning Meetings at Once

Yes, it is true. Word has spread through the grapevine that Mr. Burner is sick of attending morning meetings. When asked about why he chose to make this decision, Burner responded, “morning meeting gets in the way of my sleep schedule, and since I sit at the very front, I unfortunately can’t get away with sleeping … Continue reading

Bookstore Shuts Down to Become Full Time Candy Factory

No need to fear, Hi-Chew is here! Starting from the beginning of the 2018-19 school year, Metcalf Center, home of Western Reserve Academy’s bookstore, will close and become the new headquarters and main manufacturing plant for Morinaga & Co., the creators of Hi-Chew. After years of renovations across campus, which includes the Athenaeum, the Wang … Continue reading

Flik Dining Staff Employs SPAR Students Full Time

If you tend to keep up-to-date with social media and don’t consider yourself above adding freshmen on Snapchat, you most certainly have seen videos of everyone’s favorite dining hall staff member spamming stories. Kevin is the lovable, always-cheerful singing and toaster-repairing man that has captured the hearts of underclassmen and upperclassmen alike. He has especially … Continue reading

School Rents out Empty Dorm Rooms on Airbnb

If you need somewhere to crash and don’t want to miss all of the action and activities on campus, look no further! Due to the excess amount of space in North Hall, the Deans’ Office voted unanimously to lease out extra rooms on the temporary lodging site Airbnb. This change began at the start of … Continue reading

Geothermal Unit Upgraded to Nuclear Power Plant

With the renovations of our beloved Seymour, a new so-called “geothermal unit” has been installed. However, with the brilliant detective work of the SAC (Secret Agent Committee), this claim has turned out to be an utter lie. The school’s commitment to cleaner heating and cooling systems has taken on another level of intensity. The SAC … Continue reading